To Not Go Back

What does it mean to not go back?

To not go back on your own accord?

To know you can go back, but you cannot

No matter how many times you cry out

Because no one sees you there.

And even if you did, you would never feel back.

You are a ghost; always have been.

And what does a ghost accomplish by “feeling back”?

What does that even feel like?

To not be accepted,

To use willful ignorance to convince oneself that one is?

Then one blinks.

Tries to keep the façade afloat.

Until the lies one tells oneself pile atop one’s raft of desperation

Then one sinks all over again

And no one notices.

It is safer on the shore.

Happier on the shore.

Accepting on the shore.

So why am I crying

For an isle across the ocean

That has never seen me

And never will.